Monday, December 12, 2005

A new Something

I've been reading about keeping the sabbath day holy. Today I read the one commandment that began with "remember" is the one that everyone forgot. "Remember to keep the sabbath day holy"

It kinda hit me then. I must be really remiss, I haven been to church since the summer and even then I haven't been to church months befor that!. I am not a church goer in other words, prolly show up once or twice a year cause i'm with folks who also decided to ups and go.

So then I ask the question, this is a commandment written in stine by God Himself! Am I in trouble? Then I thought...He's a forgiving and loving God. Now that I'm learning I should try to follow this right? So of courese there is the big debate, when is the day of sabbath, does it matter? So of course I read online and most folks say's definitely Saturday. Oko fine.

BU the commandment said Remember to keep the Sabbath Day Holy. So then I ask, what does it mean to keep the Sabbath Day Holy. No work, no house work, no one shohuld work for you etc.? The I read a sermon where the preacher said...God healed on the Sabbath. He healed a woman on the sabbath and she went on to feed him. So the question what kind of work. The sermon I read basically said work for self benefit and haing others work for your benefit is not in keeping with sabbath. But if you're a doctor, fireman, etc. that's are inservitued of others. Would you say... no I'm not going to go fight that fire, I'm going o sit up here casue it sabath?
Food for thought. Then I figured maybe it means that the Sabbath is a day that should be spent in worship, contemplation, if you are in working use the day to help others. Go out volunteer. but then it's supposed to be a day of rest right...does in mean complete physical rest or does it mean rest from the things, people and places and activities that distract us from doing His work, distracts from slowing down and stilling ourselves to listen and study teh word of God. A day of meditation. Worship is more that simply goignt ochurch praying etc.
Worship is a day. Worship is in what you do. Praise is basically.."woohoo you are awesome

Worship on the other hand encompasses more taht praise. It is a state of being for waht of a better phrase. Worship is the use of our mind body and spirit to do God's work. to exhibit His glory. When we live a good life (pleasing to God) we are worshipping him. every thing we do i sa form of worship. Studying, learning in class. ( are learning about a world God created..most times). Relationships with others (anytime you are a friend to someone, help them out of a bind without wanting anything in return), helping a stranger.... teaching and goin the extra mile to make sure the pupil understands, that's worship. Well more to come soon on this observation I have. I begint o think taht keepin the Sabbath is a necessarything. Cause when you spend a day in servitude and in this kinda state when lessons that are not your come thru you. It' better not to have distractions etc. to interrupt the flow. We are not perfect beings as humans and sometimes, we get in our own way. I have to no doubt that God will teach us and is teaching us... It's just a matter of how much easier it will be to process and hold true if only we and I will say I spend morer time focusing on him and continuing to understnad that I am not all that. Thank God I'm not.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

So Yesterday I went to my office Christmas party. It was a lot of fun. I wonder how it would have been if pat was there with me. It's kinda sad that he always has to work and we can't do things together. But of course, as long as decent music is playing, I'll dance the night away even if it's alone which is exactly what I did. I began to wonder the next day with my throat soar from all the screaming etc. Should I be acting the way I did. Would I have danced the way I did with those guys if Pat was with me? Probably not. It's almost like I'm in a relationship that others don'tr eally recognise. I begin to wonder if I'm a party girl trapped. Or is that why I don't party much otherwise I would get in so much trouble. I begin to think, man that stuff I red is right. I do have to continually evlauate and ask God to guide me towards or away from things. I do recognise that I'm not all that. every time I say the F word or the S word, should I be looking over my shoulder and feeling bad? every time I dance with a man, should I feel bad? Pat's never around to dance with me.
today I spoke to this man William who I met at 30th Street station. I mentioned that I was spoken for and he assumes for reason i'm engaged. and he said something. I pray and hope that your fiance has been saved. i know that Pat is Christian, but has he been baptized in water?...prolly not. I have not real idea. I do know that he believes in God. and what little he's revealed to me about himself is admirable. but there is so much more we don't know. We're growing but it's very slow which is okay I guess. I know that after the previous experience, I needed something a little slower. I feel as if I and Pat break up that I won't be so devasted that I'll end up falling in to a state of depression. and it wouldn't take me over a year to get over a few months.

I guess that experience showed me that not every man and woman should meet in the romantic space. jst because things fit, doesn't mean that they were meant to be. Did I love Roy? I syre did and still do but at this point tht love has changed. I love him enough to simply let him be and move on with my life. I guess part of what I missed was teh companionship. Having someone to really talk to. And unfortunately and thatnk God I realised before it was too late, that I have that now with Pat, he may not elicit that head over heels feling but he listened to all the things I had to say and he didn't go nut and question my feelings etc. i almost missed that!

Friday, December 09, 2005


Just when I thought I was down working on the darn database. It decides that it's corrupted.. This deeply disturbs me. I thought. Hey, maybe I screwed up in my imports...nope...just decided to screw with me on a Friday night!!